Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
