Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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