So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
