Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
