Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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