i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
NoShamevember. You game?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
