i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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