eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
