Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
