Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
