I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
