I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
