I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
