After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize