omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
