DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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