I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
