Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
