we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
