I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
