youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize