you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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