I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
