i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
