I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
