Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
