Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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