i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
