I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
