yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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