By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think I just sharted jello shots
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
