I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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