Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
