Kiss
Puke
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
A bitchslap is in order.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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