I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize