this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
