Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have already put on my inside pants.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
