I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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