Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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