I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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