woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
