i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
