I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
