Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize