I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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