They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
