i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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