I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
