We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
