We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize