Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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