you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
