): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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