While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
