epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
