According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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