On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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