Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
