My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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