Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
