I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
