May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
