and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i need some magic done to my vagina
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize