i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
