He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
