I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
