this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wear drunk well.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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