I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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