Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
