I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
