I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
