I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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