I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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