Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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