my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
