I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
