So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
