What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize