the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
