I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
