the condom got lost in my hair
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You ate ashes out of my bong
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
