she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
