just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
