Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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