No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
sex in a hospital.. check
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
