and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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