Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
