our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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