Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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