how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
