and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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