i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
