im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
