That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
