you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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