She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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