everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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