$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Small penises have feelings too.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
