Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
