we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
