The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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