lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize