Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
